


An Impending Doom

by BeanieBaby



Series: Senator Obi-Wan AU [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Multi, Poor Cody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25984705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeanieBaby/pseuds/BeanieBaby
Summary: “Is this absolutely necessary, General Skywalker?” Palpatine sputtered as he swept the long brown locks out of his wrinkled face. Someone had stuck an unkempt wig on the Chancellor’s head. It looked like a woodland creature had died on him if Rex were to be honest. Kenobi, crouched in front of the old man, was dabbing bits of plant pigment over his thin colorless lips.“Grievous doesn’t know about us crash-landing on this planet as well,” Anakin explained patiently, “maybe add some blush and eyeshadow, Obi-Wan. The point is, sir, I must do my best to keep you safe. The Separatists will be looking for Senator Kenobi, but they won’t glance twice in your direction if you’re not you.”
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Senator Obi-Wan AU [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785886
Comments: 103
Kudos: 712





	1. Fox & Rex

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [An Age-Old Dispute](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24795745) by [BeanieBaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeanieBaby/pseuds/BeanieBaby). 



> This takes place a few weeks after Chapter 3 of An Age-Old Dispute if you want to place it somewhere in the non-existent timeline. 
> 
> I wanted to torture Palpatine a bit. LOL

_Fox_

“Morning, sir,” Fox greeted Obi-Wan when the man stepped into the sunlit street outside the Republica.

It was early, and the wet residue from the rare rainfall last night had yet to fully dissipate. Iridescent droplets clung to the transparisteel surface of the walkway, glistening like precious stones under the soft, sleepy morning light. Fox enjoyed quiet moments like this, when the city’s noise faded to comfortable background hum and he could finally hear himself think.

“You are in a good mood today, my dear commander,” Kenobi smiled, the sun dancing through every strand of his hair and amplifying the vivid blue of his eyes.

“It’s a good day,” Fox shrugged. He was all caught up on his work and the Chancellor was off-planet with General Skywalker and the 501st. A sly tweak in the art of scheduling had killed those two birds with one stone, and today’s task was simple. All he had to do was accompany Obi-Wan on a relatively straightforward diplomatic trip.

“Is there a Jedi escort?” The senator asked, falling into step next to Fox.

“No Jedi this time,” Fox replied, leading him down another street toward the scheduled transport shuttle. “Cody and members of Ghost company will be coming along.”

“Excellent,” He beamed, “I’m sure you would agree with me that things tend to go wrong a lot more quickly when lightsabers are involved.”

“If I’m to be honest, sir, any mission with you tends to go wrong one way or another,” Fox shrugged.

The Naboo senator glanced sideways at him, “And yet you are still by my side, commander.”

“I have tried, as the inspirational quotes calendar advises, to roll with the punches,” He said flatly.

“Very nice,” Obi-Wan nodded approvingly, “I assume General Fisto was the provider of this dose of printed positivity?”

“That would be correct.”

“And what does the quote say to do today?”

“Laugh in the face of adversity.”

“Well, let’s hope there won’t be much of the a-word on this trip, my dear Fox,” Kenobi murmured.

If only Fox had known then and there how monumentally wrong that sentence would turn out to be, he probably would have jumped from the transport shuttle mid-ride and called it a day.

* * *

_Rex_

“Everyone alright?” Rex’s general called out to the scattered members of Torrent Company as he emerged from the billowing smoke with Chancellor Palpatine slung haphazardly over one shoulder.

Their ship had crashed into a thick tree with purple leaves and was leaking engine fluid like a dying animal. Echo and a few others were carting out as much undamaged supplies as they could, while Fives and Tup pulled disoriented men out of the wreckage alongside Rex. Dogma was hacking up a lung a few feet off, his face flushed from the fumes. Kix limped over to the youngest member of Torrent Company and led him upwind to where the noxious chemical scent was less obvious.

“Guess we shouldn’t have taken that shortcut,” Hardcase muttered, picking up the legs of the unconscious trooper Rex was dragging out of the ship.

“If only our general heeded the ion storm warning forecasts that I specifically showed him before departure,” Rex pointed out, rolling his eyes so hard it made him dizzy for a second. Or maybe that was because he had a concussion from his face bouncing off of an interface panel when their ship went into a wild tailspin after getting struck by space lightning.

Chancellor Palpatine winced minutely as he ran a hand gingerly over his jaw. Rex wouldn’t be surprised if the violent and abrupt landing had knocked a few teeth loose for the old-timer. Anakin wasn’t exactly known for being the gentlest man in the galaxy. Quite the opposite, in fact. Rex was pretty sure he had seen his general bodyslam the old Chancellor into the side of the ship when they started free-falling into Gravity’s loving embrace.

“Any signals?” Rex asked, glancing at Fives who had wandered over while fiddling with his wrist comm.

“Nope, getting nothing on my end,” Fives muttered, pulling off his cracked helmet and running a hand through his sweaty hair, “maybe if we wait, someone will come and rescue us.”

“Who?” Rex demanded, “by the way, where the hell are we?”

“Somewhere in the Unknown Regions, sir,” Zak, their pilot, called out, “not to be a stick in the mud but the chances of any Republic ships finding us without signaling equipment on our end is nonexistent at best.”

“Thanks for that sobering reminder, vod. Guess this is our new home now,” Fives remarked, glancing around and taking in the pink clouds and multi-colored trees. He leaned into Hardcase’s personal space and wriggled his eyebrows, “you know, we might have to resort to cannibalism when we run out of food, ‘Case.”

“I vote we sacrifice Dogma first,” Hardcase smirked back, managing to catch Dogma’s gaze as their little brother trudged past. Dogma’s eye twitched, his feet shuffling visibly faster under their sudden scrutiny. Rex slapped them both on the backs of their heads.

“Stop messing with him,” He snapped, “We’re not eating anyone. I’m sure there’s plenty of food here.”

Something moved in the depth of the trees, sending up a flock of strangely shiny birds. Rex felt a shiver run down his spine. He glanced at the billowing column of black smoke from their ruined ship. No one knew what creatures inhabited this remote planet. It would not be wise to linger.

“Boys, let’s get some cover over our heads,” Anakin called to the members of Torrent Company, “we could be here for a while.”

Fives and Hardcase met each others eyes and shrugged.

“At least it can’t get any worse,” Hardcase noted and started walking.

They were halfway up a hill when a muffled boom rang out overhead as another Republic craft, also trailing a thick tail of smoke, dropped abruptly out of hyperspace and cut a wide arc across the pale sky. A moment later, a very familiar-looking Separatist warship popped into view on the horizon.

“That looks like General Grievous’s new flagship,” Skywalker muttered, putting a hand over his eyes and squinting up at the looming aircraft.

“You don’t get to speak anymore, Hardcase,” Rex huffed, swerving to glower at the wide-eyed trooper.

“Who is he chasing?” Echo asked the crucial question as Anakin broke into a run in the general direction of the crash site.

-

“Senator Kenobi, the Chancellor wants a word with you,” Rex said as he ducked inside the temporary shelter they had erected in a secluded part of the forest.

“Of course, I will be right along,” Obi-Wan said, turning to smile at him, “thank you again for Torrent’s prompt rescue.”

“We didn’t need to be rescued,” Fox emphasized, shooting Rex an annoyed glare before adding in a much softer tone, “Sir, I’m fine. You really don’t have to—”

“Nonsense, this will scar if we don’t get it cleaned properly, my dear,” Kenobi said as he smoothed back the loose curls falling into the commander’s exasperated eyes and gently pressed a thick bacta-soaked pad over the congealed cut on Fox’s forehead.

“Please keep an eye on him for me, Captain Rex,” The senator said as he breezed out of the tent.

“Does Kenobi know you’re an evil dickhead?” Rex asked the moment the tent flap settled. He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know how, but I know it was you, Fox. Torrent’s assignments with the Chancellor has increased exponentially in the past month.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rex,” Fox said cooly, his expression calm. “Maybe your general just wants more time with his _beloved mentor._ ”

“You know that’s a load of Bantha sh—”

“Hey,” Skywalker’s head popped into the tent, “either of you know what’s going on with Commander Cody? He’s been sitting with his head between his knees for the last hour and muttering to himself.”

“The 212th came to this planet before with General Jinn and part of the 327th Battalion, sir,” Fox answered seamlessly as if he hadn’t just badmouthed Anakin in front of Rex. “The water is infested with parasitic worms that cause non-stop vomiting and diarrhea.”

Anakin’s face fell. He ducked back out. Rex heard his general’s panicked voice call out, “uh, Chancellor, change of plans. Don’t drink that water I just got you from the nearby stream, ok? Did you drink it already? Crap. I mean, no, no, no, nothing’s wrong…”

“Wait,” Rex blinked as his brain caught up, “Cody’s hot husbands are here.”

“Yeah,” Fox sighed, rubbing at his bruised temples and rising to his feet. “At least we have C-3PO with us this time so Cody can finally find out why they all tried to fuck him on a moonlit altar.”

“Oh gods,” Rex moaned.

“Not fun being the only sane one on the team, is it?” Fox muttered, slipping out of the tent, “it takes a special kind of willpower not to get swept into the utter chao— What the hell are they doing over there?”

Rex followed his gaze and felt his jaw drop.

“Is this absolutely necessary, General Skywalker?” Palpatine sputtered as he swept the long brown locks out of his wrinkled face. Someone had stuck an unkempt wig on the Chancellor’s head. It looked like a woodland creature had died on him if Rex were to be honest. Kenobi, crouched in front of the old man, was dabbing bits of plant pigment over his thin colorless lips.

“Grievous doesn’t know about us crash-landing on this planet as well,” Anakin explained patiently, “maybe add some blush and eyeshadow, Obi-Wan. The point is, sir, I must do my best to keep you safe. The Separatists will be looking for Senator Kenobi, but they won’t glance twice in your direction if you’re not you.”

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Fox murmured. “I take it all back, your general is a genius really.”

“You’re not enjoying this, are you?” Rex asked, narrowing his eyes at the head of the Coruscant Guards. Fox lifted an eyebrow at him.

“Of course not," He said with a completely straight face. "What gave you that impression, captain?” 


	2. Dogma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dogma had, on some naive instinctual level, felt a small rush of relief when he’d spotted the familiar yet intimidating red armor among the smattering of orange and blue plastoid-clad figures. Commander Fox would surely bring some sense of order into the mindless chaos and figure out what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dogma's POV. 
> 
> He's such a naive sweetheart haha. Torrent Company gossip like crazy in their downtime lol.

_Dogma_

Dogma had, on some naive instinctual level, felt a small rush of relief when he’d spotted the familiar yet intimidating red armor among the smattering of orange and blue plastoid-clad figures. Commander Fox would surely bring some sense of order into the mindless chaos and figure out what to do. The marshal commander of the 212th was also with him. Cody was good friends with Dogma’s captain and he had heard endless stories about the man's prowess on the battlefield. Dogma had imagined him to be the powerful, stoic sort. The real thing was, well, a bit different from his expectations.

“Get it together, Cody,” Rex hissed.

“Don’t tell me what to do, Rex,” The marshal commander jerked his arms out of the captain's hold and exhaled shakily, “karking hell. What’s taking so long? We need to get out of here.” 

Dogma glanced at the head of the Coruscant Guards. Fox was standing next to Senator Kenobi, his expression neutral. Someone had stuck a bacta patch on his forehead. Dogma had never seen the commander without his bucket before, and it was strangely jarring to see his bare face. They were identical copies of the same set of DNA, yet every clone was somehow so…different. A heavy arm thumped across Dogma’s shoulder, making him jump. Hardcase’s stupid grin leapt into view.

“You done drooling over your pathetic little crush, Dog?” He teased.

Jesse, a few steps behind him, rolled his eyes. “Stop being an ass, ‘Case. You doing ok, Dogma?”

“Yeah,” He answered, ducking his head and flushing under his bucket for having been caught ogling Commander Fox.

Jesse nodded, “Good, we should probably head out then.”

“Head out where?” 

“General wants a few teams to forage for something edible for the Chancellor before it gets too dark,” Hardcase explained, jerking a thumb over his shoulder toward Anakin who was deep in conversation with both of the clone medics. 

“Oh,” Dogma said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, kid,” Jesse reassured, “I’m coming with you. Hardcase won't leave your corpse in a ditch somewhere in the woods.”

Hardcase bit the air in front of them with a devious smirk. Dogma flinched back, much to his apparent delight. Jesse sighed and shook his head. They were halfway across their temporary campgrounds when the sound of loud retching ripped through the still air. Dogma turned just in time to see Chancellor Palpatine regurgitate the extensive contents of his stomach onto the horrified marshal commander. Cody was frozen in abject horror. Rex hurriedly backed away, dry-heaving uncontrollably. 

“Chancellor!” Their concerned general came pelting over at top-speed, and in his hurry, slipped on the puke-slicked grass and sat his ass down hard in the middle of the mess. Hardcase let out a muffled snort behind his bucket. Jesse slapped him in the arm with an annoyed frown, but he wasn’t the only one laughing. Dogma could’ve sworn he’d seen Commander Fox smile for the first time just now. 

It was like seeing a turtle out of its shell, _wrong and terrifying._

“You or me?” Kix asked the heavily-tattooed medic of Ghost Company. 

The man lifted a dark brow, “please, be my guest.” 

“You owe me one, Butcher,” He sighed as he trudged over, “Alright, Commander Cody, General Skywalker, I’m going to have to ask you both to step away from the Chancellor and strip out of your clothes.” 

“We should probably go,” Jesse said wisely as he ushering his two teammates away from the unfolding horror.

* * *

“How can someone physically puke that much?” Hardcase asked after a few minutes of peaceful silence. He hacked away a thick bramble, nearly whipping Dogma in the face with a wayward branch, “I mean Palpatine's a tiny shriveled thing of a man. Where does it all come from? Is there a blackhole inside of him?” 

“Don’t say stuff like that!” Dogma hissed at him, feeling the familiar spiking increase in stress-related hormones that came with being in close proximity to Hardcase. He kicked at a strange-looking protrusion on the ground and leapt back when it retreated underground in the blink of an eye. “Also, none of this look remotely edible.” 

“Well, we gotta go back with something,” Jesse muttered, “otherwise the Chancellor’s gonna pass out from low blood pressure.” 

“That was a karking mess,” Dogma mumbled forlornly as he trudged after the two older troopers into the darkening trees. “I thought having two of the highest ranking officers in the GAR present would, I don’t know, get things back under control,” he admitted, tripping over a piece of root and nearly crashing into Jesse’s backside. His damaged HUD was having trouble adjusting to the dimming light, probably the result of their violent landing earlier. 

“Careful,” Jesse said, steadying Dogma with a hand to the elbow. 

Hardcase laughed loud enough startle the birds nearby, “Oh, you sweet ignorant child. Cody is a troll at the best of times, and your idol didn’t even bat an eye when Palpatine expelled ninety percent of the fluids in his body.” 

“Could’ve sworn he was smirking,” Jesse murmured, confusion clear in his voice. 

“No way,” Dogma denied even though he’d seen the same thing, “why would he? Commander Fox is one of the Chancellor’s closest confidants.” 

“Yeah well, Senator Kenobi’s got Fox by the balls,” Hardcase muttered, bending to examine a patch of glowing fungi. He paused for dramatic effect before turning to the other two clone troopers and asking, “you think they’re fucking?” 

_“Eww, what?!”_ Dogma squeaked. 

“Sex is when two people who are physically attracted to—” 

“I know what sex is!” Dogma yelled, forgetting to keep his voice down. More birds took flight overhead. “You’re disgusting! They’re just friends!” 

“You don’t know that.” Hardcase winked suggestively. Now Dogma wanted to vomit. 

“I doubt it,” Jesse said after a contemplative pause, “a guy that uptight? I can’t imagine him intentionally violating any regulations, let alone fraternizing with a senator of all things.” 

“Yeah, Fox would probably throw himself in holding for even thinking about breaking the rules,” Hardcase agreed. He plucked a few strange purple fruits from a nearby shrub and dropped them into his satchel. “Not that everyone is like him.” 

“What do you mean?” Dogma asked out of morbid curiosity. They had stopped in a moonlit clearing. 

“You didn’t hear? Bly and his Jedi general got matching tattoos,” Jesse explained as Hardcase took a seat on a low boulder and popped off his helmet.

“They’re so obvious,” Hardcase laughed. “A trooper in the 327th said it was like watching children dancing around each other. Next time we’re in Coruscant, take a look at their left wrists.” 

“I don’t know,” Jesse shrugged. “I think it’s kinda sweet.” 

“But that’s against the Jedi Code isn’t it?” Dogma frowned. “They’re not supposed to have attachments.” 

“Aren’t you a little know-it-all?” Hardcase teased, “It’s not as if our general’s sticking to the Jedi Code himself, what with his raging boner for Senator Kenobi.” 

“Everyone’s got a raging boner for him,” Jesse pointed out.

“And it’s _glorious,_ ” Hardcase cackled before turning to the youngest member of Torrent Company with a shit-eating grin, “We’re in an active war, Dog. We could die at any moment. Take all that into perspective, what have you got to lose? Try to be more like me and let your hair down once in a while.” 

“You don’t have hair, Hardcase,” Dogma huffed, aiming a swift petty kick at the other man, “And I told you to stop calling me that.”

He didn’t expect Hardcase to react so fast. Dogma felt the brief pressure of gloved fingers around his ankle before the world tilted on its axis and he found himself pinned facedown on the soft moist ground with the older trooper sitting on his back. His damaged bucket had rolled off to the side. 

“Bold move,” Hardcase laughed as he reached down and pinched Dogma’s cheek hard enough to hurt, “poorly executed though.” 

“Let him up, ‘Case,” Jesse ordered as Dogma tried all sorts of flipping and squirming to dislodge the older trooper, but he was like a sticky barnacle, an evil, cackling, sticky barnacle that just wouldn’t quit. 

“Why are you so mean to me?” Dogma really didn’t mean for his voice to wobble like that but he was pretty much gargling moss at this point. Hardcase’s hyena-like laughter ceased immediately. 

“Are you _crying?”_

_“No!”_ He squealed, face flaming hot. The heavy weight disappeared. He saw Hardcase’s boot appear in his limited field of vision. 

“Get up.” 

Dogma scrambled to his feet, his ears warm with shame. It was hard to meet his teammates’ eyes. 

“You think I’m mean to you?” Hardcase sounded baffled and a little hurt.

“You’re always picking on me,” Dogma muttered, brushing dirt off of his white chest plate. 

“I’m going to step in before we snowball deeper into a misunderstanding,” Jesse interrupted calmly, “Hardcase is an emotionally-stunted idiot who learned how to interact with the vode mostly from Fives, unfortunately, also an emotionally-stunted idiot. See where I’m going with this, Dogma?” 

Hardcase made a protesting noise in the back of his throat that Jesse cut off with a warning finger to the face. 

“The point is, he loves you but has no idea how to express his affection.” 

“That’s not true,” Hardcase objected. 

“Shut up, vod,” Jesse said. 

“I love you guys, too,” Dogma admitted shyly. He met Hardcase’s unimpressed gaze and added reluctantly, “I promise I’ll try to be less uptight from now on.” 

“See, ‘Case. This is how you interact with a little brother. Not shove him facedown in mud and sit on him,” Jesse smirked. Hardcase rolled his eyes to the heavens. Dogma felt a sudden strange bold urge to toe the line. 

“Let’s head back,” He blurted, heart pounding at the tiny display of insubordination. 

“And let the old man die of hunger?” Hardcase lifted an eyebrow, “elder abuse, super dark, vod’ika. Good first attempt, but maybe slow down a bit.” 

“But wouldn’t he die faster if we bring back something poisonous?” 

“Fair point,” Jesse eyed the sad tubers in his pack, “maybe the other scavenge teams found something.” 

“Good enough for me,” Hardcase rose to his feet with a low groan. 

A long spear whooshed past his shoulder, ripped through his bag of foraged items, and embedded itself in the soft mossy ground next to Jesse’s right foot. The trio fumbled for their blasters as half a dozen hulking furred beasts came charging out of the darkness. Dogma could barely see the humanoid figures seated atop the fanged animals. The one closest to them was covered in strange glowing tribal markings, long black hair twisting down his muscled back in a thick braid. The man made an incomprehensible click low in his throat and pointed a wickedly sharp blade in Dogma’s terrified face. 

“Either you happen to have C-3PO on speed-dial?” Hardcase asked as the heavy net descended on them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cody's husbands make an appearance! 
> 
> Bly and Aayla each got a thin band tattooed around their wrist, Bly in blue, and Aayla in gold. They thought they were being secretive but everyone in the 327th found out immediately lol 
> 
> Updates will be slow for a while. School is too busy...But please do drop me a comment, they really make my day! :))


	3. Rex & Hardcase & Fox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update in celebration of my favorite holiday. Happy Halloween, lovelies!

_Rex_

Things were falling apart in front of Rex’s eyes.

“Any luck getting a signal?” He asked the group of pilots huddled together over what was left of the transmitter from Senator Kenobi’s ship.

Zak shook his head at the captain of the 501st and jerked his chin at something over Rex’s shoulder, “heads up, sir.”

Rex’s face spasmed when he caught sight of his general, soaking wet and hunched over miserably, standing behind him. He grabbed Skywalker by an arm and frogmarching him away from the snickering troopers of Ghost Company. Qui-Gon Jinn treated all of his men like his own sons, so Rex understood their lack of formalities when it came to Anakin, but openly laughing in his face now was just downright cruel.

“You ok?” Rex asked once they were far enough away.

“No, I’m not. We’re going to get court marshaled, aren’t we, Rex?” Skywalker huffed miserably, shaking wet brown curls out of his desperate eyes, “Palpatine’s going to die on my watch, and I’m going to be forever branded the one that killed the Chancellor of the Republic. They’re going to stone me to death on the steps of the Jedi Temple.”

“You don’t know that he’s going to die,” Rex tried for a soothing tone of voice.

A thick vein throbbed maniacally on the side of his general’s neck. _“Look. At. Him. Rex.”_

Rex glanced reluctantly at the old man seated across the fire pit from a shivering, half-nude Cody. Aside from the vomiting, his pale skin was now covered in little red bites. Butcher theorized there was probably a form of tick living in the random wad of mystery hair that Senator Kenobi had jammed onto the old man’s head. He also had an unfortunate allergic reaction to the pigment that Skywalker had encouraged Kenobi to slather all over his lips and face. The result was that random bits had swelled to alarming proportions. Suffice to say, Chancellor Palpatine was not...doing well.

“Ok, maybe stay away from him for the foreseeable future?” Rex said uneasily, “no offense, but you seem to be dealing out most of the damage, sir.”

After an uncomfortable pause, Rex cleared his throat and added, “I hate to ask, general, but what happened to your pants?”

Anakin pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, the picture of despair. “Fives snagged them on a sharp rock in the stream when he offered to help us clean up.”

Rex bit the inside of his cheek and averted his gaze from Skywalker’s exposed left thigh. “I see.”

“Why is this happening to me?” The young general sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

“I don’t know, sir,” Rex admitted, “but try to look on the bright side.”

“What bright side?”

Rex thought hard. Nothing significant came to mind. Skywalker’s lips pulled down into a familiar pout.

“Uh, you have fantastic legs?” He squeezed out into the silence between them. More silence ensued, imbued with an extra layer of awkwardness.

“Thanks for trying, Rex,” Skywalker finally said in a hollow voice.

“You’re welcome,” He answered stiffly, giving the man an encouraging pat on the shoulder and catching Fox’s eyes from across the clearing, “now if you will excuse me, general, I need to speak to my colleague.”

During the ten seconds it took for Rex to get to him, Cody’s batch mate had schooled his expression back to the impenetrable mask of indifference he wore on a daily basis.

“Would it kill you to help a little?” He demanded, glowering at the evil, heartless bastard.

“Who me?” Fox asked in that infuriatingly mild tone, “but you’re doing so well, Captain Rex.”

A few paces off and rotating Cody’s wet kama over the small pitiful fire, Fives’s stomach gargled loud enough for Rex to hear. Squatting in the dirt next to him, Echo patted his fellow trooper sympathetically on the back and handed over their last ration bar.

“Ok, fine,” Rex huffed, shoulders slumping in defeat, “please.”

Fox lifted an eyebrow, “please what?”

“Please help,” He hissed at the man, “or I swear to the Little Gods I’m going to—”

Whatever Rex was going to say died in his throat. Fox twisted to follow his gaze and saw the bright red flare, their designated distress beacon, rise over the treetops. Another flare, further into the dark forest, appeared a heartbeat later.

“Kark,” Fox cursed, shoving past Rex, “Cody, what lives in these woods?”

* * *

_Hardcase_

“Do you think they’re going to eat us?” Dogma asked fearfully, his armor-clad arm pressed uncomfortably into Hardcase’s side. The natives had tied the three of them together and tossed them into a fenced enclosure with their mounts. The animals lost interest in the troopers after nosing at them for a few confused minutes. One of the beasts tried to nibble on Jesse’s boot but apparently did not like the taste.

“I don’t know,” Hardcase whispered back. The sky overhead was fully dark now, iridescent stars scattered across the velvet-like canvas. Three men dressed in fur and hide stoked a nearby fire, cooking the meat of some strange animal. Something nagged at Hardcase, a distant memory trying to break from the chaotic inferno that was his mind.

Dogma sneezed, and he lost his train of thought.

“I’m hungry,” His little brother mumbled, eyeing the roasting meat with open longing.

“Same,” Jesse sighed, dropping his head onto Hardcase’s shoulder.

The ground beneath their feet rumbled with distant paws. More of the native hunters were returning to camp for the night. Hardcase craned his neck for a better view and spotted three familiar wriggling bodies tangled in the netting on top of the largest wolf-like creature. Its rider leapt off with alien grace and dragged three members of Ghost Company off of his ride.

“Is that Boil?” Dogma asked, squinting in the dark.

“Yup, I’d recognize that pornstache blindfolded,” Hardcase replied.

“You have got to stop calling it that,” Jesse swiveled with some difficulty to glare at his fellow teammate, “or have you forgotten the last time he punched you in the face for badmouthing his precious facial hair.”

“Pfftt, it barely stung,” Hardcase dismissed with a roll of his eyes, “Boil hits like a girl.”

“Waxer doesn’t.”

"Touché."

“What are they doing?” Dogma asked, interrupting their conversation.

Their captors were clearly more excited about Ghost Company than the three of them. The trio seated by the fire had wandered over to Boil, Waxer and Glitch. Waxer was the only one still wearing his helmet. One of the men, blond with black markings down his bare back, crouched down and traced the chipped orange paint over Waxer’s bucket. He glanced up at the man that had captured Hardcase’s group. Hardcase couldn’t understand what they were saying, but there was no mistaking the look of hopeful excitement on the man’s annoyingly handsome face. Wild inhabitants of the Unknown Regions really had no business looking like actors from HoloNet porn.

“I think we were caught by those hot people the marshal commander accidentally got married to a while back,” Dogma piped up suddenly. He nudged Hardcase and jerked his chin toward one of the open leather tents where Cody’s Phase I helmet was lying on top the rest of his plastoid armor plates.

“Huh, they kept his old gear as a memento,” Jesse blinked, “that’s very…touching?”

“Nice detective work, kid,” Hardcase grinned wolfishly at the youngest member of Torrent Company.

Dogma had turned his sullen attention back to the meat. “Could do with some food as a reward.”

“Oh, we’re getting more than food, Dogma,” Hardcase said, his mind spinning with the new possibilities that piece of information just unearthed, “I can work with this. Yes. All we have to do is trade Commander Cody for— _Oww!”_

Jesse had twisted Hardcase’s ear with the hand he managed to wriggle free from the tight bindings. “Seriously, ‘Case? The Kaminoens dropped you on your head when they decanted you, didn’t they?”

“What? No,” Hardcase glared back, “We’d be reuniting a family, Jesse. What’s wrong with that?”

* * *

_Fox_

“Everything.”

“Everything what?” 

“Everything is your fault,” Cody’s favorite pet project accused unhappily as they trudged through the dense forest after Kenobi and Skywalker. C-3PO was clanking noisily behind them, asking for much-needed assistance that both clones unanimously decided to ignore.

“How, Rex?” Fox shot back cooly, “I wasn’t the one that set Cody up with his hot husbands.”

“You could’ve stopped those two from executing their ridiculously dangerous plan to negotiate with said hot husbands,” Rex fumed, pointing to the duo in front of them. Skywalker was hacking a trail through the foliage with his lightsaber and shielding the senator from much of the flying debris with his own body.

“I’m incapable of saying no to Obi-Wan, remember?”

“You just want to see me squirm.”

“I’m hurt, Captain. You know I want every brother in the vode to do well.”

“I could do without the sarcasm, Commander.”

“Like I said earlier, the easiest way to get your men back is—”

“We’re not throwing Cody to the wolves,” Rex interrupted before Fox could finish his sentence, “He’s your batch brother, I expected this kind of thinking from Hardcase but not you.”

“Who’s Hardcase?”

“The bald one in Torrent Company with the blue stripes and tear-shape tattoo.”

“The one I arrested over a dozen times for public indecency in the past?”

Rex palmed his face, “Yeah, that one.”

“Tell your man the next time I find him passed out in an alley with his buttocks exposed for the world to see, it won’t just be a fine. I’m shoving my boot up where the sun don't shine and locking him up for good.”

“Tell him yourself,” Rex muttered unhappily.

“Shh,” Skywalker twisted to face them, one gloved finger lifted to his lips. “I think I hear something.”

“Master Skywalker, a little help please!” Somewhere behind them, the protocol droid called out. Kenobi glanced at Rex’s general.

“Not that, it’s something else,” Skywalker clarified. Fox and Rex pulled out their blasters.

_“Kenobi.”_

The gravelly purr came from above. Fox lifted his weapon, but it was too late. A blood-red blade ignited, slicing his blaster gun cleanly in half. Asajj Ventress’s pale face appeared from the darkness along with a dozen or so B1 battle droids. The spider-like form of General Grievous slithered down the trunk of the nearest tree, making the hairs on the back of Fox’s neck rise uncomfortably. 

“Ah, what a sight for sore eyes, General,” Kenobi said, forever unflappably pleasant and cordial. “Do you have hot water and food aboard the Invisible Hand?”

Grievous blinked slowly. “Yes, but—”

“Excellent,” Obi-Wan clapped his hands together in delight. He whirled to face Rex’s general, who looked equally baffled by the turn of events, and picked out the large twig sticking out of his tangled curls. “Thank the stars you’ve come to our rescue.”

“I’m here to _take you hostage_ , Kenobi,” Grievous corrected, indignation coloring his raspy voice.

“Oh, I do hope Count Dooku restocked some of my favorite tea,” He prattled on, completely ignoring the Separatists general. Kenobi peered over at the female Sith assassin,“Asajj, darling girl. Your new haircut is absolutely stunning.”

Ventress’s smirk widened slightly, but she didn’t turn off her lightsaber.

“What in Hutt’s name is happening?” Skywalker asked for the rest of the group.

“We’re being taken hostage, Anakin,” The Naboo senator said cheerfully, “General Grievous, we can forgo the cuffs this time.” He lifted a hand and prompted politely, “shall we?”

“But what about my men?” Skywalker blurted, dumbfounded.

“We will signal for Republic backup once we get access to the comms, my dear boy.”

“No one is giving you access to the comms, Kenobi,” Grievous snapped furiously between wheezing coughs. Unfortunately, everyone ignored him.

“I assume you dropped by our camps before you caught up to us?” Obi-Wan asked lightly.

“Nothing to see. Just a handful of miserable clones and a hideous old hag,” Grievous muttered. Skywalker choked on air at the description. Fox met the senator’s amused gaze and heaved a deep sigh.

 _Roll with the punches,_ he reminded himself as they were led away, _even if most of them came from Kenobi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor General Grievous lol


End file.
